Last night and even this morning I was full of it, I was excited because I had been organised and sorted out lilbits school uniform (my girl is growing up way too fast) and very happy because I had reached over 1000 views on my blog! So this morning I posted a couple of pictures and bit of text on my 365daysofsober Facebook and Instagram and had planned a post for this evening; to explain a little more about me and lilbit and how I felt my drinking would affect her as she grew up and how I think she viewed my drinking habits at the tender age of 4! (and a half I hear her yelling in my head! – she is very specific about this fact, ask the optician she corrected this afternoon)
and I have to be honest, I am not having a very positive day after all, it was fine until this afternoon and then came the sweltering heat and a 2 hour optician appointment followed by an hour around Tescos (please don’t ask me why but spending too much time in supermarkets is a massive trigger for me, I normally always leave with a bottle or two of wine). On top of that I then started to worry about a wedding I am going to tomorrow, started worrying about whether I will want to drink and more to the point will I actually drink? I came home and all I wanted to do was sit down, crack open some wine and relax and not have to think about any of it anymore………
I didn’t. I am glad I didn’t.
We decided on take away pizza for dinner and to try the root beer I found on a previous shopping trip. It is actually quite nice, probably by far the sweetest thing I have ever drank in my life and it smells and tastes like dentists, but strangely I find this appealing. This has somewhat cheered me up and I am thinking clearer again. Once the craving or thought of having a drink hits it takes a while for me to get that out of my head but its gone now thankfully.
Not giving in and having a drink tonight was very hard but I know I will feel better in the morning and that in itself with make tomorrow easier. I am starting to relax about it and now I have finally stopped fretting and calmed down and I have realised that no one is going to care if I do not drink and I can just enjoy the day with everyone else, ill just be sober.
I am still not in the right frame of mind to write my other post but tomorrow is another day and it can wait… Today was just a bad day!