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Day twenty is almost over and I honestly cannot wait till it passes by.

We did lots today, work and preschool in the morning, ice cream making and library book reading in the afternoon.  It was calm and enjoyable. However, a great day very very quickly turned into the worst tantrum I have ever witnessed from my daughter; it was bath time and all hell let loose!  I wasn’t quite sure what was happening at first so I decided that I would just let it play out……we had throwing (or every single toy, bed item book and whatever else she could find within her room) we had screaming (If I had received a visit from the police I wouldn’t have even been surprised), we had hitting me (this is a new one; this was hitting ‘with intent to harm’) we had shouting and name calling and just plain lying out on the floor to tired to do anything but carry on crying…….I never did get to what it was all about..I literally had just said its bath time!!!

But here is the thing, all I could think about was that normally I would have some wine now, I would either already have some in the house or I would go and get some and then once lilbit was in bed I would relax and “chill out” (words I use to associate with wine drinking again) after the horrendous couple of hours. And I can safely say I was annoyed with myself for starting this whole thing, I almost convinced myself it would be OK to just do it this once.  I am glad I made sure there was no wine in the house when I decided to start this and I am glad lilbit crashed out in bed after her bath immediately otherwise this may have been a different post altogether.   This was definitely a hour or so where I wanted to give up and just go back to the way things were before I started my 365 days…

I have now sat down and took stock of the last couple of hours and realised that tomorrow I am going to be so glad I did not drink tonight.  I actually believe I dealt with her episode much better than I would normally, I didn’t get annoyed with the tantrum,  I followed through with everything I said would happen if it carried on and I sat with her calmly after to talk about why we sometimes act like that, as she was, from what I could tell, as completely taken aback by what had happened as I was.  If it had been a few weeks ago and I had decided to drink a glass of wine (or two..) while it panned out I may not have followed through, probably would have given in to a few things and maybe not had the thought to actually explain to her that it was OK to have moments like that and we has dealt with it and it was over now.

I know I am not the only parent in the world who reaches for an alcoholic drink at the end of a some what trying day so I don’t feel bad admitting that this is something I did; but when I think about it, for me that one glass of wine to relax  would the majority of times continue to more and that in itself can have a knock on effect to my next day (or even next couple of days).  The last twenty days have been a complete eye opener to how different my day to day life can be when I do not drink regularly and I do not plan to give up on this anytime soon.

And here’s a mouse….in a helmet…make of this what you will x