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Lily ponds

Lily ponds – West Wales

This photo was taken last week while on holiday, its here for no other reason as it was a fantastic day out and is now one of my favorite places!

I’m not sure if I have set this blog up correctly or if anyone will ever get to read it but here goes…..

I want to change my life. This blog is about changing my lifestyle and making positive changes starting with removing alcohol from my life for the next year and documenting how this helps me achieve my goals.

Many of my friends and family have heard me say after a night out that I am never drinking again or I am giving up wine, but it hasn’t lasted.  Its been said a great deal and sometimes I have gone periods without anything at all and have felt great but I have always managed to convince myself I can manage the drinks I have and stop when I have had enough…..This is not the case and something has to change.   Just recently I was reading a blog from a lady not much younger than me who had just finished one year of not drinking, her story inspired me and got me thinking about the benefits she had found from not drinking, our stories were very similar and our drinking habits seemed the same.

There are many reasons I need to stop drinking and want to stop drinking, I was going to go into them all and I might later on in the blog but right now they are personal and I don’t feel the need to share them…but the main one is that I do not know my limits… I am 34 and do not know when to stop once I have started…  I can loose parts of nights from not being able to remember what went on or how I got home and every now and then loose a day feeling like crap after a night out ( a night out I can barely remember).  Not remembering things from a previous night scares me, im too old for this.

I was recently talking about this to a lady at my daughters ballet and she said you might as well just grab some co-codamol from the chemist and then stay in and get a good night sleep it would be much cheaper for you…she has a good point.

I always have the thought that it will just be a couple of glasses when i go out with my friends, couple of hours later and we have sunk a couple of bottles and I’m away with the fairies, wine’s sneaky like that you see, you feel fine one minute and then next minute – smashed.  I normally fall asleep which in all fairness is embarrassing.  Luckily my nights out are normally at peoples houses so I am on their sofa but there has been occasions at parties and pubs where i just go right to sleep… wherever I am sat….just like that!

If I am at home and its a particularly bad day or i have been stressed out about one thing or another Ill reach for a ‘glass’ of wine..this normally ends up being a bottle even if I had decided it would be just a ‘glass’! This isn’t every night, I need to point out I am not an alcoholic I do not wake up and drink from morning to night.  If there is a bottle of vodka or beer in the house I wouldn’t drink it, I dont like it, I don’t like any type of alcohol apart from wine.  I have really only drank wine for a while now, maybe because it seems like that’s what everyone does, what us normal people do? I mean how many memes and pictures do you see on social media which refer to getting the wine out after a long day, how many of those am I tagged in? Most of them!  This is not the way I want people to see me, I am not just a wine drinker.

The other day I was looking at a drinks mat I was brought last Christmas which says ‘wine makes mummy clever’  and I thought to myself you know what, It doesn’t at the end of the day it just makes mummy depressed.

I am not judging anyone who drinks, I am a drinker I am the same as everyone else who likes to relax by having a drink, but I want to stop now because it is the right thing for me to do at this stage and time in my life.

I am hoping that writing a blog about this each day will keep me focused and help me get through the difficult days.

No one has to read this, but if you do please have an open mind and if you have a comment be supportive not negative please.